Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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