Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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