So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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