It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
