Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
