This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
