I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
