So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
