Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
