her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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