Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
