I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
