I look better un-naked...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
