i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
