she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You made out with two different species that night
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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