She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
