My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
