Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
