If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
