she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
