Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
