Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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