Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize