***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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