at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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