Christians are straight up FREAKS
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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