He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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