Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
