I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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