Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
