Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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