11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The air taste purple.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
