Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
