im about as happy as oj after his trial
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize