at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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