never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
