Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I need to sanitize my soul.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
