I will die if light touches me.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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