Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
