Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i would punch a child for taco bell
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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