i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
