So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
