Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
