yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm like, not good at living.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize