I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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