i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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