i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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