hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he puts the penis in happiness.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize