Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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