Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he shaved USA in his pubs
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
