i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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