oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
