Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
