Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize