i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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