why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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