No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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