..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i drank out of a bidet.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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