At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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