$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's not a walk of shame if you run
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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