just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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