I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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