do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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