How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
